[ There's a look of surprise on this one's face when he catches you leaning against the post and looking like you're not planning to leave him alone anytime soon. As such, he's going to set his tablet down off to the side on the top step so that it's out of the way before he goes to fish out his cigarettes.
His hand's shaking now. Maybe it's the fact that he's been crumbling ever since you cracked that joke, or the fact that he's been wrecked ever since this morning, when he'd tried to apologize only to have it not work and Hikaru had told him flat out and clearly hurt that whatever insecurities Josh was dealing with were things he couldn't fix.
Truth of the matter is, Josh knows that. He knows this is all on him. But he's just so fucking tired. He's tired in a way he can't put into words and his chest hurts so much and his heart isn't his own anymore. The tragic thing is, even if he could ask for it back, he wouldn't because he was way in too deep and it hasn't even been twenty-four hours since he fucked up all because he needed a moment to breathe.
This is what you see then: Josh attempting to light up, failing, trying again and again. And again until his hand jerks from the elbow and he very nearly throws that lighter.
Just very nearly, though, because he's now sinking down to sink onto those steps, bending forward to press a hand to his forehead, eyes screwed shut.
Yes, Yulia, it's dark, but you're standing at the right spot to see the way the light is slanted at just the right angle to reveal when those tears come streaming quietly down Josh's face. ]
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His hand's shaking now. Maybe it's the fact that he's been crumbling ever since you cracked that joke, or the fact that he's been wrecked ever since this morning, when he'd tried to apologize only to have it not work and Hikaru had told him flat out and clearly hurt that whatever insecurities Josh was dealing with were things he couldn't fix.
Truth of the matter is, Josh knows that. He knows this is all on him. But he's just so fucking tired. He's tired in a way he can't put into words and his chest hurts so much and his heart isn't his own anymore. The tragic thing is, even if he could ask for it back, he wouldn't because he was way in too deep and it hasn't even been twenty-four hours since he fucked up all because he needed a moment to breathe.
This is what you see then: Josh attempting to light up, failing, trying again and again. And again until his hand jerks from the elbow and he very nearly throws that lighter.
Just very nearly, though, because he's now sinking down to sink onto those steps, bending forward to press a hand to his forehead, eyes screwed shut.
Yes, Yulia, it's dark, but you're standing at the right spot to see the way the light is slanted at just the right angle to reveal when those tears come streaming quietly down Josh's face. ]